Some friends of mine are getting married next year, and a certain mother is trying to take control......



Dear mom,

I would really like to thank you for giving birth to me, it is really appreciated. I understand from testimonials that you went through a lot of pain and agony, and I realize that this was a testament of your love for me and that your sense of control over me was also born on the same day. I guess you could say that you gave birth to twins that day: me and the loving apron strings that have been wrapped around my throat like the umbilical cord that should have been cut many years ago.

I know that you have always thought that you know what is best for me, and I really am thankful for all the pain I was spared because of your loving interventions. I also learned in school the importance of the separation of church and state to make sure that god had no control over free will when it comes to making wedding plans. Because I was taught by you to make decisions for my own life as a grown man, I respect your second guessing of my decision making abilities as an adult.

We live so far apart, yet, because of your frequent expressions of maternal love, it seems that we share the same house. Your nightly phone calls, full of motherly ideas of matrimonial bliss, are sandpaper to smooth away my own false preconceptions of happiness.

I really do appreciate your (s)mothering; without your timely advice, I am quite sure that I would have been engaged to a banker or something as horrid. Your suggestions and advice are always welcome, but please, this is my wedding; let me be queen for a day.

Your loving son.