Dearest friend,
I would like to take a few minutes to thank you for the sincerity you continually show in our relationship. Your consistent willingness to assert your opinions is only surpassed by the inconsistency in the number of times that you are actually right. Your views are forceful and show an incredible lack of thought to the point where the only explanation could be an endless amount of practice. I congratulate you on your perseverance and wish you continued success.
I would also like to say that I admire your incredible talents. You are one of the most creative people I have ever met: the creative things you do with the truth are nothing short of sheer artistry. You bend words like a magician bends a spoon, with the pure power of his imagination. I can only imagine what it is like to live in your world where every thought and opinion is as well rounded as you are. Alas, we cannot all be so lucky to live in a fantastic world where opposition is swept away by a tide of indignation.
I would like to thank you for taking time from your busy schedule to remind our dear friend in Toronto of my possible memory lapse in wishing him a happy birthday. Your foresight into my possible early onset of Alzheimer’s is really quite thoughtful. One could almost say that your anticipation of this forgetfulness on my part was a premeditated act of kindness.
I would like to thank you in advance for your future lack of calls to my partner and I; your missing presence will be appreciated to no end.
Sincerely, and I do mean sincerely,
Annoyed friend.
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