Light therapy

Yesterday I received my light therapy lamp. I ordered this lamp a month ago thinking it would stave off the winter blues and lethargy. When I say winter blues, I mean psychopathic tendencies.  Of course a month ago I was a little more optimistic than now, and had a little more energy to complain about the long delivery delay.  During the waiting period I have murdered three dreams and seven expectations (not my own of course).

I plugged in the lamp and put it on my desk and was sitting there with anticipation, waiting for instant renewal of energy and life. When nothing instantaneously happened I decided to read the instruction manual.  Well, according to the manual, the effects would happen in 2 to 4 days.  While waiting for 2 to 4 days I could conceivably do something that could really harm my fellow man, like eating a big bowl of red bean chilli and then taking the metro, sensitive noses be damned!  Or even worse, I could feed a box of oysters to my partner and let him take the metro. In the world of smelly bodily functions, chilli is gunpowder, oysters are nuclear fuel rods!

Since December first, there has been a total of 3 days of full sunshine. I have tried to coerce the winter gods by beating snow banks bloody, erasing snow angels, and even kidnapping snowmen, in order to ransom some sunshine, but to no avail.  The snow banks just got bigger, the snow angels just keep reappearing (freaking kids!), and the snowmen, well, who would pay a ransom for something they could build themselves, or even easier, just wait until some kids build again?  Bad planning all around!

So here I sit, absorbing canned happiness and energy provided by my magic lamp, waiting for my soul to once again fit my skin.

Once again the religious minions come out in force against gay rights. Papoy!

This week the Saskatchewan court of appeals ruled that the provincial marriage commissioners could not opt out of giving a marriage licence or performing the ceremony for state run marriages for same sex couples because of religious beliefs. Well, I live in Canada, our land glorious and free, and I am surprisingly, and naively, appalled by the number of comments on the news stations’ comment boards that are in support of the exemptions for religious folk.

First of all, I want to make it plainly clear that being gay is not a choice. If I had the choice of being persecuted and discriminated against for being who I am versus living a life free of discrimination, what do you think I would choose?? Yeah, when I was 12, I decided that I would love a life where I could not hold my love’s hand in public, where I could be threatened with death for giving a peck on the cheek of my life partner as we say goodbye on the metro in the morning, where I could make no life and death decisions in the hospital for my partner of 20 years because we are not recognized as a couple. I say a big resounding YES, this is a life I would choose for myself. Please use your brains and realize no person would choose this for their life.

I keep hearing arguments about the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman; please, your divorce rate is around 50% or more; sorry, your reasoning is dead in the water.  Another argument states that marriage is for having children, uhm, the last time I checked people are capable of having kids without signing a piece of paper dripping wet with holy water.  Should your marriage be dissolved when you are no longer able to make babies? Are you now useless to the human race because you no longer procreate? Should infertile people be allowed to marry?
In fact, that could be one of society’s biggest problems: all of these uneducated, socially inept straight people are fornicating outside of the sanctity of marriage, creating more uneducated, socially inept morons who perpetuate the myth that being straight is blessed by god, and therefore giving them the right to  give birth to more Billy Bobs and Anna Mays. The average right wing christian is actually quite similar to the Taliban: they want their followers to remain uneducated in order to continue the lies and better control their followers.I personally think that all newborn babies should be reversibly sterilised at birth. I then think that any couple wanting to have children should be psychologically tested and granted licence to have a child and their sterilisation reversed only after said testing. Do you realize how many cases of child abuse we would eliminate? Do you realise how many murders, rapes, and violent crime would no longer exist because of bad upbringing?

If I was god and I had the choice between speaking with a well spoken, creative, intelligent gay individual about the running of the universe, and some redneck offspring of an evangelical minister and his sanctified lay of the week, with the intellectual capacity of a two by four... well I think my choice would include people that add to the world in a positive way, not people who only want to destroy and hate.

I love straight people; I would not be here if it were not for my straight parents! I am just so tired of hearing straight people says “if there is gay pride, why not straight pride?”

Ok, let me get this “straight” there is no straight pride because you have never been killed, abused, harassed, or beaten for being straight!!!! Is that clear enough???

We have, and still are, as is evident by the CBC.CA and CTV.CA (more CTV), message boards, been/being discriminated against on a daily basis because of WHO WE ARE!

 Can I not love the person whom I am meant to love without someone hating me? I hate it when gay or straight people say “It’s not your business what goes on in my bedroom”. Do you really think that being gay is about sex? Being gay is not about sex, it is about the person you love, you want to share your life with, who you want to grow old with. Do you really think that a gay couple after 10, 15, 20 years is thinking only about sex? As a straight couple, do you? A gay couple only wants the same thing as a straight couple: to have a partner who does not cheat, to have a partner that laughs with them, to have a partner who shares their dreams, to have a partner who shares their sorrows. A gay couple wants the exact same things as a straight couple, a gay person wants the exact same thing as a straight person: respect, love, appreciation, and recognition for a life well lived.

And to those who say “I don’t care if you’re gay, just don’t flaunt it or shove it in my face”, I have a question for you: If we are at work together, and you start talking about how you took your wife out for dinner, and then I say that I went to the movies with my partner, is that what you consider shoving it in your face? Is talking about my life flaunting it? I have heard some people say that they don’t talk about being straight, why should gay people talk about being gay. Well let me clear that up for you: every time you talk about your opposite sex spouse, you are talking about being straight!

Is this really an unreasonable request? Is this really asking for “special rights” as some intellectually challenged bible lovers claim?

Remember, karma is an unforgiving bitch: if you hate, if you judge, you will have to explain why.

I know I write alot about winter, but come on, I need some sun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grey sky like wet stone

Meets the bleak land

The horizon is become ambiguous

Snow falls like shattered clouds

Burying the corpse of summer

January opens its vast grey maw

Swallowing dreams whole

Feeding  February’s gestation

Then settles, folding its mottled wings

Till land and hill are covered

The weak sun ineffectual

Obscured by winter’s breath

The mirror smooth surface of frozen lake

Reflects spring emotions

January lies down to sleep

The world in slumber                              

I wish that everyone could be comfortable with death (our everyday companion)

Beyond

Human existence a fragile thing

Death begins at birth

We learn to crawl before we walk

We learn to stand before we lay down

Religions speak of ever after

Courageous words spoken by men not yet dead

Every priest knows the path

Every blind man sees the way

Adoration the purchased salvation

Truth woven into fine linen

The burial sheet covers all lies

Death so heartbreaking

Yet all gods rejoice

Each god lives in a manmade heaven

Every human cowers in their shelter

Perceptions unknown become myth

The true doorway opens without key

Grand hallways absent of priestly presence

Punishment an ignorant scam

The journey continues, a new road taken

New travellers to meet beyond

This is a poem I wrote when I was about 19 and I just rewrote. It is my childhood memories of the summers I spent at our cottage on Diamond Lake in Ontario.

A lake called Diamond

The early morning birds sing the sleep from my eyes

I wake slowly as the sun’s fingers reach across my bed

Gently tugging at my sheets

The quiet whisper of the waves beckons me

I secretly climb from my bed

The wood floor threatens to give me away

Family still slumbers peacefully

The screen door is my ally this morning and lets me pass

The morning air shimmers pristine against my face

The woodpile smiles knowingly

 I make my way down to the shore across the sandy path

The cool hardness smooth against my shoe tender feet

I pause upon the small wooden bridge that separates reality and dreams

The clear stream gurgles beneath me

Laughingly making its way to the lake

The reeds and grasses bent over, trying to follow

The beach is quiet, yet undisturbed by human presence

Holding its breath in anticipation

The still cool water laps around my toes

Which I wiggle in the sand

A lone duck passes by and nods his hello

I am the only one alive at this moment

Or so I thought in my selfish delusions

The startled frog begs to differ as he jumps in the lake

His bulbous eyes surface and watch me warily

The sheer beauty makes me laugh

I am filled with slow joy

The long slender hill on the other side of the lake reclines

Her reflection in the mirror water makes her whole

Shoulder and hips in languor she lays

The lady of the lake surveys all that is around her

With paddle and canoe, I head to her shadow

Gliding across the water like skeeters on the stream

I reach the crystal clear shallow depths

I can see perfectly the sandy bottom as through liquid glass

A few clams smile up at me, inviting me to play

The temptation pulls at me like a soft current

Reluctantly I head back

A family awakened greets me with friendly hustle and bustle

Grandpa doing his morning exercises over in a corner

The smell of frying eggs and ham leaves me weak with hunger

Sibling rivalry and jests abound

A breakfast table loud and merry

I rush through my food as the lake whispers for my return

Promises of swimming and fishing await

My cradle is an air filled mattress as the Lady rocks me

Her gentle caress soothes my childish worries

The perfect sun dries my skin

My float is overturned with brotherly glee

The game is on with vengeful pleasure

Sitting with rod and reel in the middle of the lake

The rough canvas of the life vest chafes my skin

The clever fish dance around below

Laughing at us as they put seaweed on our hooks

A flash of red on the beach from upturned mattress

Signals the end to our mamba with bass and trout

I think of the bonfire we’ll have this night

Roasted marshmallows, hotdogs, and mosquitoes

Tales like smoke will drift and fill the starry skies

The sun slowly sinks behind the Lady and she disappears

The melancholy song of the loon echoes across the water

Singing the end of another joyful day

On a lake called Diamond

My new year’s wish

I could write about how I wish for world peace and love for mankind, but that would be simplistic and totally unrealistic.  Oh sure, I would love that, but I know human nature too well: we are a territorial species who loves to invent new ways to make holes in our fellow human beings.  Add religion to the mix and we have a total orgy of bloodletting and primal chest beating. The amount of flesh that has been torn in the name of king and god is astounding.

If I had a wish for this New Year it would be that people start taking responsibility for their own actions. I am sick to death of money grabbing people justifying abuse and slaughter in the name of profit all around the world. It seems to me that too many people care more about their financial sheets than they do about the people who suffer in order to provide them with their luxuries.  We talk about World War II as if it was the last Great War. As far as I am concerned we are already in World War III because the whole world is in conflict; whether by shedding blood or by selling souls, we are at war. The only difference is that this time, we are at war for our beliefs and, in many cases, our wallets.

The Americans have, with their foreign policies over the last 60 or so years, created a very hostile world environment by systematically abusing developing countries by offering roses and giving nothing but thorns. Then they have the gall to scream in collective national agony when someone fights back by tumbling the very epitome of their greed. Please don't get me wrong, I love my American friends, and I am quite sure that none of them voted for the purveyors of these abuses.

I see it every day walking in downtown Montreal: people forget how to think about people around them. Everybody is so concerned about themselves that they forget there is someone else walking on the same sidewalk and will not give way.  People do not even seem to realize that they share the same space with others on a sidewalk, so how can nations agree to share the same planet.

So, here are my simple wishes for this new year:

1 If it does not belong to you, don’t take it.

2 Hold the door for someone, and if they hold it for you, say thank you.

3 Never ignore someone’s basic needs because of corporate budget constraints.

4 Bargain in good faith.

5 Realise and accept that, yes you have a bellybutton, but no, it is not the centre of the universe.

With this, I wish each and every one of you the very best of the new year; please share responsibly.

Here is the campanion painting for the poem "Red Scarf"

Although I was lucky enough to not have been put through this, this is a poem for all those gay and lesbian people who could never find a warm welcome at home. I wish a very merry christmas to all of you. You will find your way.

Red scarf

He left hearth and home searching

Walking with unsteady steps in crusty snow

The winter wind wraps around his heart

Step by step his marrow freezes

The lowering sky reflects nothing

The snowy field is endless

At home lives conditional love

Traditional fires left him cold

His path leads him elsewhere

The red scarf around his neck

A farewell gift for the road

The intended warmth keeps him going

Conventional truth tries to bind him

Weariness slows him down

Hopelessness wraps his legs in icy chains

And still the wind pushes him back

Embracing him with impossibilities

Swirling ghosts obscure his imagined vision

Determination clears his view

Footsteps uncovered mark the way

Uncertain he follows

A distant light glimpsed through blowing snow

Ice crystals sting like memory’s whip

A stranger appears with arms extended

Intentions without shadows

The red scarf wraps tighter with false belief

He reaches with desperation

Rainbow gloves grasp his frozen hands

A sudden gust pulls fiercely

The red scarf loosens and joins the wind

A new fire warms him

Here is something different for me, a Christmas song for all of you who are alone this Christmas. I wish I could write music because I would set it to a Celtic ballad with an upbeat rhythm like a pub song.

Alone for Christmas

Snowflakes in my eyes as I walk tonight
Christmas lights blinking in time with my heart
The sound of laughter circles my ears, winter tears blur my sight
Holiday songs bring memories of younger years
Family and friends surrounded me at the start
But now I am alone for Christmas

Alone for Christmas with songs of cheer
Yuletide greetings without you here
Go through the motions and pretend I don’t care
Another Christmas with no one to share

City streets playful with music and light
Store windows advertising dreams for sale
Last minute shoppers out in all their might
Forgotten beggars with forgotten tales
I stand still and let the river pass me by
I stand alone and wonder why

Alone for Christmas with songs of cheer
Wondering why you're not here
Go through the motions and make believe
Another Christmas and I'll not grieve

Christmas Eve and I plan to ignore
The songs of Christmas that fill the air
Neighbourhood cheer is high and merry next door
Laughter echoes from up the stair
Tomorrow is just another day
With a whiskey or three I’ll be okay

Alone for Christmas with songs of cheer
Yuletide greetings and a pint of beer
 Go through the motions and try to dare
Another whiskey and I won’t care

I don't know how the weather is where you are, but here in Montreal it has been non stop snow.

The queen of winter

The summer princess walks the aisle

Her white gown sown with pearls and ice

Auburn hair glistens in white

The pristine snow has lost her virginity

The bridal train splashed in brown and grey

The veil hides springtime eyes 

Fresh flakes reflect the missing sun

Falling like ash on her narrow shoulders

The inexorable weight crushes her hopes

The accumulation buries ideas of spring

The stolen gold of summer is coldly crafted

A shining silver ring fashioned

The king wears a mantle of ice as he smiles at his promised bride

November her cruel father

Her frozen tears remember summer rain

He frozen heart no longer tries

The old oak bears witness with fallen leaves

The icicle priest gives benediction carved in frost

The reluctant summer bride transformed

The cold queen of winter begins her reign

The world shivers

Here is my latest painting. It is called “It gets better". I was inspired by Dan Savage's IT GETS BETTER campaign to help gay and lesbian youth get through the hard times.

http://www.youtube.com/user/itgetsbetterproject

I'm sorry but this is just too funny. Kinsey Sicks, an a cappella trans group that is brilliant. This one is a little nasty...

Christmas is not what it used to be...here are two new sing-a-longs

The twelve days of shopping

On the first day of shopping

A stranger gave to me

A kick in the knee

On the second day of shopping

A stranger gave to me

Two rough shoves

And a kick in the knee

On the third day of shopping

A stranger gave to me

Three yelled curses

Two rough shoves

And a kick in the knee

On the fourth day of shopping

A stranger gave to me

Four un-held doors

Three yelled curses

Two rough shoves

And a kick in the knee

On the fifth day of shopping

A stranger gave to me

Five dirty looks

Four un-held doors

Three yelled curses

Two rough shoves

 And a kick in the knee

On the sixth day of shopping

A stranger gave to me

Six tongue lashings

Five dirty looks

Four un-held doors

Three yelled curses

Two rough shoves

And a kick in the knee

On the seventh day of shopping

A stranger gave to me

Seven missed red lights

Six tongue lashings

Five dirty looks

Four un-held doors

Three yelled curses

Two rough shoves 

And a kick in the knee

On the eighth day of shopping

A stranger gave to me

Eight line up butt-ins

Seven missed red lights

Six tongue lashings

Five dirty looks

Four un-held doors

Three yelled curses

Two rough shoves

And an kick in the knee

On the ninth day of shopping

A stranger gave to me

Nine slush showers

Eight line up butt-ins

Seven missed red lights

Six tongue lashings

Five dirty looks

Four un-held doors

Three yelled curses

Two rough shoves

 And a kick in the knee

On the tenth day of shopping

A stranger gave to me

Ten store clerk attitudes

Nine slush showers

Eight line up butt-ins

Seven missed red lights

Six tongue lashings

Five dirty looks

Four un-held doors

Three yelled curses

Two rough shoves

And a kick in the knee

On the eleventh day of shopping

A stranger gave to me

Eleven beggars begging

Ten store clerk attitudes

Nine slush showers

Eight line up butt-ins

Seven missed red lights

Six tongue lashings

Five dirty looks

Four un-held doors

Three yelled curses

Two rough shoves

And a kick in the knee

On the twelfth day of shopping

I said screw it and stayed home



Jingle hell

Dashing through the slush,

Around taxis in the way

Foot deep in dirty mush

Cursing all the way

Bells on beggars ring

Pedestrians scream in fright

What fun it is to spend and sing

A spending song tonight

Oh, credit cards, credit cards

Spending all the way

Oh what fun it is to shop and spend

Until the banks take it all away

Credit cards, credit cards

Spending all the way

Oh what fun it is to shop and spend

Until the banks take it all away

A little while ago

I went shopping out of pride

Society makes me spend

MasterCard sitting by my side

The interest rate was high

Around 26%

January’s bills are on nigh

Oh, how much have I spent?

Oh, credit cards, credit cards

Spending all the way

Oh what fun it is to shop and spend

Until the banks take it all away

Credit cards, credit cards

Spending all the way

Oh what fun it is to shop and spend

Until the banks take it all away

Hey!

Here is the poem about Liberia in spanish. Dedicado a Doña Miriam y Don Oscar.

LIBERIA

El aire huele diferente a la llegada,

El primer contacto…lleno de esperanzas y expectativas.

Hay temor a que el prejuicio baile con la ignorancia,

la verdad danza con un  menu preconcevido.

Las olas susurran a la luz de la luna,

Y la arena bajo ella canta una canción de libertad.

Una hermosa casa rebosante de luz y amor,

Explicaciones nunca solicitadas o jamas dadas;

Una bienvenida calurosa : una familia inesperada.

Existencia en cerámica sostenida por columnas arqueadas,

Mecedoras que susurran satisfacción.

En la ciudad las aceras hacen magia:

A veces desaparecen sin advertencia.

La estatua en el parque habla de generaciones pasadas,

El grafiti no recuerda.

Un grandioso arbol divide las calles,

Sus ramas unen a un pueblo de vasta memoria.

Luz y música de la taberna derrepente aparecen,

Acompañadas de risas y miradas curiosas.

El amanecer despierta nuevas aventuras;

Huevitos servidos en forma de sonrisas,

Jugo fresco proviene de manos sabias.

Se vislumbra el cielo alla abajo,

Una burbuja de alegría se rompe en espectativas.

El mar se desenvuelve sin parar, mezclando pensamientos y arena,

Las corrientes arrastran las preocupaciones.

En los salones torneados del caracol se escucha una sinfonía;

Falsos ecos cantan un arruyo.

Pisadas renuentes en la arena,

Ahi donde el sol se desliza suavemente detrás de calidas bienvenidas,

Y el viento susurra del avenir.

This is a letter to Dr. Laura (a right wing idiot in desperate need of an enema) that has been around the net for some time, but I find more pertinent than ever.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.