A trip down memory lane: who does not remember childhood hopes?

Going back 

Dust blows around the cracked sidewalks

The branches around me are stiff and brittle

The leaves have long ago said goodbye

This dry summer leaves me parched

My shoes are covered in dried memories

I walk through my childhood

Wearing my old sneakers

I use to play here so long ago

The merry-go-round is rusted still

The teeter totters protest use

If only by one

Even the sand in the sandbox seems tired

Where have my dreams gone?

Sitting on rusted swing I remember competitions

Who could fly the highest?

I used to fly so, so high

I picture the school yard full of hopes and wishes

Today it is all empty

Old songs swirl in the dry air of yesterday

Where is the imagined tomorrow?

I want to try the slide as I climb with childish hope

My adult ass too big for smooth memories

I get stuck

The school yard is full of yesterday

Today is nowhere to be seen

I chuckle to myself as I walk away

A dusty wind follows me

This is for my catholic husband....I love you...

Forgive me father for I have sinned
I love another man
We have loved each other for many a year
Forgive me father I know it is true
I adore another man
We will love each other until our dying day
Come hell or high water
With or without your prayer
You will not deny our love
Hail Mary till I’m numb
Deny me confession until it pleases the lord
Deny me confession in the face of the lord
Your closed door does not hide the light
Your refusal of communion is expected
I look upon the stained glass windows
They shine down upon me
Their reflection laughs upon my arrival
I make a bow in holy water
With bended knee I respect you
With straight back I defy you
Oh God, I love you
I know you will not deny my love
I know you will not deny me love
Your priests are mistaken in their observance
Your goodbye is final
Halleluiah

God forgive Christians, for no one else will.

I have been reading the gay news again (something not good for my blood pressure), and I have to say that I have not been surprised at all. These are some of the headlines:

Illinois diocese ends adoptions over gay rights law

U.S. house passes 3 anti-gay amendments

Schools adopt “don’t say gay” policies

Police in Granada arrest man for having gay sex

Brazilian leader suspends anti-homophobia campaign

Assault on Oregon gay couple “could” be a hate crime

Tennessee governor signs anti-gay law

And many more, ad nauseum, just in the last week.

So, I was thinking about all of this and I decided to get the bottom of all the hate against homosexuals, otherwise known as “gays” (by the way, gay is an adjective and not a noun, so “gays” is not correct; it should be” gay men”, “gay woman”, “gay dogs”, “gay rain”, whatever), “fags” (which, according to Merriam Webster, means “to work hard, to tire by strenuous activity; I know, being gay is a lot of work!), “fairy” (who would not want to be magical?), or many other pejorative names in many languages.

I speak three languages and I think I know more insulting names for gay people than how to properly conjugate verbs in the imperfect tense.

I looked up the word homophobia in the Merriam-Webster dictionary and this is what I found:

Homophobia

: Irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals

If you look closely at the definition, it does not say “the fear of”; it says “the irrational fear of”. Now if we look at the definition of “irrational” by the same dictionary, it says:

: not rational: as a (1): not endowed with reason or understanding (2): lacking usual or normal mental clarity or coherence b: not governed by or according to reason <irrational fears>

 So, if we follow this definition of “irrational”, and combine the two definitions, it would seem that homophobic people are not endowed with reason or understanding, are lacking usual or normal mental clarity or coherence, and to top it off, they are not governed by reason.

Well, this clears it up very well for me.

I think the Catholic Church had it right when they wanted only priests to be able to read the bible in Latin. But of course, Martin Luther had to stick his big nose in papal affairs and translate the bible in to the common language (german at the time) so that any lack wit, idiot, moron (Mormon), and your bigot neighbour next door, could interpret the word of god for themselves. So now, basically anyone could become an interpreter of scripture. Thanks Martin.

I just wish that these religious slaves would read up on history and realize that all of their religious holidays (as well as gospels deemed appropriate for the political atmosphere at the time) were decided upon the First Council of Nicaea with Emperor Constantine, and that it was pure politics in order to gain the support of the so called pagans of the time.

But I digress. It amazes me today how sooo many people can hear a fire and brimstone speech condemning everyone to hell unless you’re a Christian, and actually believe it. Yet these same people, who supposedly believe in the word of Christ, are the first to spit hatred at gay people, non Christians, and anyone who happens to live outside of their very small, very narrow universe.

If I were Christ, and I had died on some mythical cross to make human kind better, and I had asked my BFF Peter to spread my word of tolerance, I would be so pissed at him. I would be saying: WTF went wrong? I leave you to make a better world and you did what??? I taught tolerance and acceptance, and you created a church in MY NAME that tortured and killed people in MY NAME, and still propagates hate over 2000 years later??? WTF where you thinking? If I were the CEO you would be fired.

I think that if rapture was to come (sorry Harold Camping, didn’t happen), and I was the pope, I would be shitting on the papal throne, because if Jesus ever came back, there is no way in heaven I could explain the centuries of abuse and intolerance.

And if I were a Christian, I would be shitting my pants for supporting the same abuse and intolerance. I would not be able to face his forgiving smile, and especially not his forgiving frown.

I would finish this little tirade with “think about it”, but then I realize that Christians, by past proven experience, are incapable of independent thought.

As my mother would pragmatically say, “Oh well”.

Hurricanes in the American south are becoming really scary!

Photo credit: Eric Nguyen

When Mother Nature comes to dance

Her dark dress spreads across the evening sky

Decorated with night blossoms

Flowing over the horizons

The brisk wind whispers of her coming

Horses made of rain speed her arrival

Riding in a carriage of ebony

She comes wrapped in swirling debris

Her train lightly brushes the earth as she alights

Looking for companionship she visits every town

Wanting to dance she puts down pointed toe

She wears a tiara set with gems of lightning

Her gown sets the ground on fire

She comes with hopes held high

To the ball she arrives in all her glory

With rain tossed hair she witnesses the destruction

Her throaty laughter rolls across the land like thunder

With as twirl of skirt she erases lifelong memories

With a flick of her braid birds are set to flight

Her silver chased belt carries pockets filled with dreams

Her great ring holds the world in silver claws

The night sky a beautiful pendant between her breasts

Looking for a partner she turns ‘round and ‘round

Adding ornaments of steel and brick to her costume

She reaches down and chooses new jewellery

She wanders still looking for love

 Giving up this night’s search she stops and looks back

A bridal path strewn with rubble

Light steps regain her carriage

She laughs at her folly

Before you think you know someone, think.

Photo by Andreea Oana

A hollow girl

She walks through shallow pools of rain

Her heart strung out behind her

A glass doll dressed so prettily

The street light falls on the cracks around her mouth

Dark puddles form beneath her smile

The rain slides off her emotions

Her eyes, beautiful blue beads, reflect nothing

A backpack carries family expectations

Childhood memories stuffed in the side pocket

A perfect smile in porcelain

A hollow girl

Street friendship sees her through the night

Bitter laughter covers unwanted pain

Fatherly love can’t reach her here

A father’s touch shouldn’t hurt so much

In an empty alley she runs through green grass

Lies down amongst the wildflowers and moss

She counts the stars painted in the heavens

Dreams of an attentive mother

Waterfalls cascade and she wakes in the rain

Her ragged fingernails trace a pattern on the bricks

An empty smile in porcelain

A hollow girl

Approached by a shadow offering safety

She timidly follows the promises

A warm bed and company of young girls assures her

With a hot meal she ignores the empty eyes

Feeling warm she does not see the empty smiles

Refusals repaid in bruises

Acceptance shines on the edge of a knife

Her backpack hidden in a small corner of yesterday

The streetlight falls on the cracks in her makeup

She lies down counting the stars painted on the ceiling

A smile as hard as porcelain

A hollow girl

There have been a few deaths in the families of colleagues recently; this is my reflection on saying goodbye.

The end of your song

The stars came out tonight in full splendour

The moon shows its best side gently glowing

The earth slows

Together we stand in sad ceremony

Everyone quietly listening

As your song slowly spirals ever upward

As it unwraps itself from us

As we are forced to let it go

The strings on your violin are cut

The binding undone

Your song in this life has ended

You are free to wander

You are free to discover

Our sadness is our own

Our anguished hearts grieve for our loss

Even as your remembered smile gives warmth

Even as past laughter echoes over us

The stars came out tonight in full splendour

Joyful as they welcome you home

Sword and Lily

SWORD AND LILY 

Walls crumble with a thought

Divisions become mist

Distant pathways lost today and yesterday

Sword and lily stride between

A multitude of doors are sealed 

The forgotten corridors remain empty

Firm footsteps echo an unknown road

Decisions forge crossroads in the middle of nowhere

Remove one brick and see a future

Remove another and see nothing 

Worlds revolve around worlds

A multitude of bridges span the distance

Stairways lead to the landing underneath memories

Everything leads to nowhere

Nowhere the destination

Two ladies stand face to face with lilies in their hair

Each one smiles not knowing the other has a reflection

The shattered mirror reflects a thousand smiles

A thousand lilies fall to the grass

A fire spreads across the ocean

Two kings standing back to back with braided beard

Two swords held high in combative ignorance

The rope strains to the point of breaking

The strands of civility unravel

The anchor falls crashing down 

The waves wash up against a door frame standing alone

Glimpses of green promises call across the threshold

The wet portal beckons

A singular flower on the doorstep begs attention

Its imaginary petals bend perception 

Sword and lily stare at one another intently

The battle for the summer wind bends banners

The green grass sways in agitation

The full leaves quiver on their branches

The very roots tremble with expectation 

The sword and lily dance eternal

Soft petal against cold steel

Each looking for a crack in the armour

A clash of light that burns the world

The spectators still with bated breath 

Tomorrow stops to take a moment

Today marches in time with the wound clock

The gears turning slowly

The pendulum moves between decisions

The cuckoo decides the hour

We have all had a moment of pure loneliness.

Scars

Scars created in happiness
Scars like a masochist’s grin
Scars like a summer picnic
Like the blanket beneath the warm sun
I want no clouds this day
Like the sweet breeze through dead leaves
The cool grass leaves green scars
Scars like memories never forgotten
Like memories never lived
Like an imaginary knife
The rose petals cut so deeply
With the sharp edges of memory
My scars will never heal
Scars left from restaurant conversations
Like the waiter‘s sincere smile
As he sees my happiness
His confusion as I leave alone
The golden candle sputters
The cracked pavement underfoot
Meets my every step
A mirror made of cement
Scars reflect the moonlight
No emotions reflected in the pool
The fountains remain indifferent
Memories flow easy as cool water
This is the perfect loneliness
This is loneliness made perfect
My tears join the rain
Scars shine brightly
Scars clearly seen
Scars clearly invisible
So many scars
I am covered in scars
Yet I no longer bleed

This is dedicated to my friends in New Brunswick. A new experiment: play this wonderful music by Adele while reading the poem. Read with the rhythm of the music. Take your time.

Open Windows

A house painted in white

Peeling shutters slightly askew

The front steps a little crooked

The chimney in need of repair

Structural faults inherent with time

The foundation is sturdy

The fireplace is always warm

The photos on the mantle also

The gardens grow in season

The grass is brown only in patches

The well worn sofas are inviting

Pictures on the wall tell stories

A cup of tea makes things normal

The sound of the ocean sings a lullaby

Old laughter sings the melody

Old friends make the chorus

The piano in the corner is well used

If only slightly off key

The table is set with love

Each dish placed with practice

Each course made with expectation

Every course eaten with appreciation

Ribald jokes abound

Sincerity takes a bow

Memories grow roots in the cellar

Memories that can be heard faintly

The sound drifts through the open window

The curtains part with salt covered laughter

The slanted sunlight comes uninvited

And politely knocks

Searching for open windows

Political feelings on a warm spring day

My spring of hope

 

The spring sun shines on my confusion

The new born sun warms my lack of decision

The sunny heat makes me lazy

It’s not that I don’t care

It’s just that I feel the pain of leaves blossoming

My smile grows roots in the unknown

Black dirt beneath my fingernails accumulates with every truth

The very feel of the earth meets me

It reminds me of what lies beneath

It reminds me of what is to come

With every handful of soil between my fingers

The roots of tomorrow spread in the dark

Sending hope through green branches

The winter that froze me will end

The sap rises nonetheless

This spring will be bountiful

Conservative estimates be damned

A bright red flower will blossom

No need to sing the blues

Being with others, being alone.

I dance

I dance slowly in the empty street

No one to see my show

No one to see who I am

No audience to applaud

I dance to empty air

Yet I dance

I dance for freedom

I dance for a voice unheard

Light footsteps slide across the truth

A tap dance in rhythm with so many dreams

A neighbour picks up the beat

Invitations go out by rhythmic steps

Steps multiply by word of mouth

A community dances the impromptu dance

A community dances the unknown

Together we dance for what was forgotten

Together we dance for hope

Together we dance

I dance slowly in the crowded street

No one sees my show

Yet I dance

This will be my last post about politics as I am overwhelmed with disappointment in the Canadian people.

The day democracy died

For the first time in Canadian history, a government was found in contempt of parliament for lying and hiding the truth, and what did the Canadian people do? They gave a majority government to the purveyors of theses indiscretions. They gave a majority government to the same people who rode slipshod over every democratic institution while they had a minority government.

For the first time in my life, I am so afraid for Canada. I am afraid for the women who will lose (have lost) rights, I am afraid for the right to marry for gay people, I am afraid for women’s right to chose abortion, and I am afraid for every NGO that does not fit in Harper’s ideology.

This government is not a Canadian government; even Harper said so when he sent a missive stating that it is now the Harper Government and no longer the Government of Canada, and this while he had a minority government.

How could the Canadian people have been so completely apathetic, stupid, ignorant, lazy, and any other adjective for useless you can think of?

There is absolutely nothing stopping Harper from doing exactly what his Reform party members wants him to do. Absolutely nothing.  You, the Canadian voters, just gave a dictator carte blanche to make us American Republicans, based on right wing Christian ideology, with all of their failed policies.

For the first time in my life, I am embarrassed to be Canadian. I remember laughing at Americans when they voted for Bush (W) for the second time, and saying how Canadians would never do such a stupid thing. I am no longer laughing.

On Monday, May 2, the Canadian people gathered around the great bell, and collectively pulled the rope which sounded the death toll for democracy.

May the great wheel of destiny crush you while implacably rolling on, and not even stop to notice or care.

The time has come

Today, Monday the second of May, will see a confirmation of the beliefs of Canadians across this country. This will be the most historic election of our generation.

We will vote for a dictator with an inborn hatred for anything democratic, or we will vote for democracy at its best; the choice will be ours.

Enough with gay bullying!

Strength

The brick wall slowly curves around the street

Pace by pace I hide as we walk

My shadow never reaches you

No chance of being discovered if I’m quiet

Why do I walk in fear?

Why should I walk covered in sweat?

Is it better to be beaten than to be empty?

A punch feels real

Hiding feels hollow

OMG what do I do?

Your shadow rules my life

You decide where I go and what I do

Only I could give you this power

Only I can take it away

Weeks of planning bring me here

Thoughts of suicide take a back seat

I will not die for your hatred

I will not die for your ignorance

The brick wall curves slowly around the street

I say hi as you come around the corner

We all have someone we would like to forget...

Forget me 

The snow crunches under my heavy boots

I slowly approach the river

Fog rises from my mouth as I exhale

Frozen knees bend to drink

The crystal water catches the sunlight

Diamonds run freely through my fingers

I drink the cold truth and it freezes my throat

The bare trees run along the banks

Skeletal fingers beseech the forgotten sun

I turn to find the path obscured by snow laden branch

A spring wind rises and lifts my cloak

No protection from past mistakes

Across the mountain pass summer rains begin

The shadow of your umbrella does not reach me here

I feel safe in the shade of grey trees

You dance in your summer meadow

Flowers sway in the wind of your passage

Trees graciously bend leaf

I used to know this path

I used to laugh with every vine rising

Every branch sang my name

Please forget me

My face is like mist

I wander this cold mountain in contentment

I no longer wish to see the other side

Leave me to my winter

 

Have you ever been where you want to be, but can't be?

Memories of tomorrow

 

I long for what could be

I long for what could have been

My past is tied to the future

My future drifts in the cold blue of spring

The memories we live today

The reflection of yesterday

A cold lake in a meadow shows no mercy

Snow does not melt in the shadows of dead trees

The forest speeds past my window

This highway leads me to yesterday

My dying city passes in the distance

The abandoned buildings of my truth slowly crumble

I stand alone in the rubble wondering why

My memories have no more roots

My reasons for leaving are forgotten

The mist of questions rise slowly around me

Surrounded by regrets I surrender

I plant new smiles in old soil

Warily I water dreams

The dark soil slumbers

Trapped in your past

Trapped in your past

I heard last week that you found love

The knife in my heart leaves no blood

The pain is a past pleasure

My heart skips a beat for a moment

My heart stops for a lifetime

The pain is twenty years old

The pain happened yesterday

Your words still hold meaning

No matter the new love, I question

I just don’t know the answer

The sweet cut of your emotions

The lies you told me still bind

I am bound

My prison is self imposed

My sentence will never end

I am judge and jury

I am stuck with a life sentence

I can’t even ask you to release me

You have already let me go

My twin sister just met a special someone, this is for her.

Love at first knowing

I smile as she turns her head

Her white neck stretches so lovely

Younger skin so soft and supple

Her laughter like perfume fills the air

Her breasts lift in laughter

Her breasts lift in passion

Her sweet innocence moves me

Her intelligence meets me

The touch of her fingers leaves soft memories

My skin vibrates

Beads of moisture pearl my nervousness

My throat left dry with anticipation

I wake up alone

Her smell lingers on my pillows

Faint but oh so powerful

My heart sings with thoughts of tomorrow

A sudden smile greets my coffee

A sudden hope gives rise to the day

A sudden hope unexpected

Someone at work lost his spouse to suicide, this is for him.

The warm wind comes

 

The winter gives up slowly

I am still wrapped in cold lace

Many years since you gave up your life

You didn’t even say goodbye

Left here to talk to a piece of stone

Left here in my anger

Left here alone

The trees show no empathy

The garden path I walk in solitary

The heavy flowers bow in sympathy in my wake

They cry for their loss

The world forgets my memories

The warm wind comes but leaves me cold

Springtime growth a cruel reminder

Something died that will never

Something died that will forever

Stagnant I lie and watch the clouds

Shapes of our dreams drift through my longing

I am stopped in what could have been

The warm wind comes

It wants to carry me

I am stopped

A children's story to explain politics.

The debate of four monkeys


The jungle had been in constant unrest for many years with the ruling primates clubbing any others who got in their way of how decisions were made. Even the trees wore scars from the constant fighting.
 

There were three main groups hoping to make life better for the jungle, with another group who wanted to make things better only in their corner of the jungle. Many cycles ago it had been decided that all of the primates would vote to decide which group would govern for a set period of time. What they did not take into consideration is the fact that one group could lead with only one third of the monkeys wanting them to, because of a rule that says the group with the most support became the leaders, and since there were four groups wanting power, it was determined that a group with less votes than the combined number of the other monkey groups' votes, became the group that decides how everyone else lives.
 

Now at a time of unrest, one group received thirty percent of the support from the tribes, and because this was more than the other groups received individually, they became the leaders. The problem was that this small group decided that stealing even one banana (even if it was a starving orphan doing the stealing) was the greatest evil and should be punished and sent to a secluded part of the jungle and be separated from monkey society for an un-negotiable period of time. The other groups were very upset but could do nothing but scratch there armpits and scream.
 

Next, the ruling group made new laws that said the other groups no longer had the right to challenge the new government through the great Monkey Court because the funding would be cut. The females made to signal their outrage, but then their funding was also cut. But instead of speaking out in tribal circles, which was their right, they decided to remain quiet and say nothing; so nothing was done.
 

The ruling group then decided to take a look at all the bananas that were given to monkeys living outside of their immediate jungle and an old monkey sage told them about a great prophecy that talked about rebuilding an ancient great monkey temple that had been destroyed in the past. The prophecy stated that the rebuilding of the temple would herald the return to the Great Monkey God, who would then destroy the jungle and bring all of his favourite monkeys to a new jungle in a different world where everyone was happy. This monkey's prophecy was very specific of which monkeys would be invited, and more importantly, which monkeys would not.


In this other area of the jungle, there lived two tribes who claimed ownership of the area: a tribe who had lived there for centuries, and a tribe who had recently moved in and taken over. The ruling group, in the main jungle, decided to support the new tribe because the prophecy said that they would be the ones to build the new temple. Because of this, the Great Monkey Decider of Other Monkey Tribes, decided to end support of groups that gave bananas to the pre-existing tribe. She pretended to approve a banana delivery and then inserted the word “not” in the approval from, and claimed ignorance about why the delivery was cancelled. The other monkey tribes threw their feces in defiance.


Now the other monkey tribes were starting to look back on other decisions the rulers made and realized that many lies had been hidden: the ruling party had promised that they would not take away the bananas from the other monkeys, but then declared that the biggest monkeys with the biggest houses deserved more bananas, and sent their helpers to take away the bananas that everyone had put aside for hungry times and give them to their bigger friends. The ruling monkeys also wanted to have a party for their neighbours and told everyone that it would only cost one year’s banana harvest. All monkeys started to scream when ten harvests disappeared and that no bananas were given in return. All they were left with was a lagoon that was so shallow they could not even bathe in the disappointment.
 

The ruling monkeys decided they wanted to trade everyone’s bananas for new vines to travel to the outskirts of their jungle area for protection against invading enemies, but they refused to tell the other monkeys how many bananas they would need. They also said they would need even more bananas to set aside parts of the jungle for miscreant monkeys who did not conform to tribal rules. The other monkeys made suggestions to buy cheaper vines and to help the miscreant monkeys adapt to the tribe and insisted the ruling monkeys let them know exactly how many bananas they wanted to give away for their projects.


Well, the ruling monkeys lied and refused to tell the truth, so the other monkeys said enough was enough and asked the Wise One to decide who was right. The Wise One, after a very long time deciding, decided that the ruling monkeys were wrong. The other monkeys then decided that the ruling monkeys no longer deserved the right to manage all of the other monkeys, and threw their collective feces to end their rule.
 

According to custom, there would be a new discussion to decide which tribe would rule above all others, and one of the ways to do this was to have a great monkey debate. On the night of the debate, the four ruling tribes sent their strongest leaders to defend their different needs and concerns. Every monkey in the audience held the greatest expectations for victory, and the leaders looked ready for any debate. Unfortunately, being monkeys, they threw their feces, and the audience ended up covered in shit.


The end.