A children's story to explain politics.

The debate of four monkeys


The jungle had been in constant unrest for many years with the ruling primates clubbing any others who got in their way of how decisions were made. Even the trees wore scars from the constant fighting.
 

There were three main groups hoping to make life better for the jungle, with another group who wanted to make things better only in their corner of the jungle. Many cycles ago it had been decided that all of the primates would vote to decide which group would govern for a set period of time. What they did not take into consideration is the fact that one group could lead with only one third of the monkeys wanting them to, because of a rule that says the group with the most support became the leaders, and since there were four groups wanting power, it was determined that a group with less votes than the combined number of the other monkey groups' votes, became the group that decides how everyone else lives.
 

Now at a time of unrest, one group received thirty percent of the support from the tribes, and because this was more than the other groups received individually, they became the leaders. The problem was that this small group decided that stealing even one banana (even if it was a starving orphan doing the stealing) was the greatest evil and should be punished and sent to a secluded part of the jungle and be separated from monkey society for an un-negotiable period of time. The other groups were very upset but could do nothing but scratch there armpits and scream.
 

Next, the ruling group made new laws that said the other groups no longer had the right to challenge the new government through the great Monkey Court because the funding would be cut. The females made to signal their outrage, but then their funding was also cut. But instead of speaking out in tribal circles, which was their right, they decided to remain quiet and say nothing; so nothing was done.
 

The ruling group then decided to take a look at all the bananas that were given to monkeys living outside of their immediate jungle and an old monkey sage told them about a great prophecy that talked about rebuilding an ancient great monkey temple that had been destroyed in the past. The prophecy stated that the rebuilding of the temple would herald the return to the Great Monkey God, who would then destroy the jungle and bring all of his favourite monkeys to a new jungle in a different world where everyone was happy. This monkey's prophecy was very specific of which monkeys would be invited, and more importantly, which monkeys would not.


In this other area of the jungle, there lived two tribes who claimed ownership of the area: a tribe who had lived there for centuries, and a tribe who had recently moved in and taken over. The ruling group, in the main jungle, decided to support the new tribe because the prophecy said that they would be the ones to build the new temple. Because of this, the Great Monkey Decider of Other Monkey Tribes, decided to end support of groups that gave bananas to the pre-existing tribe. She pretended to approve a banana delivery and then inserted the word “not” in the approval from, and claimed ignorance about why the delivery was cancelled. The other monkey tribes threw their feces in defiance.


Now the other monkey tribes were starting to look back on other decisions the rulers made and realized that many lies had been hidden: the ruling party had promised that they would not take away the bananas from the other monkeys, but then declared that the biggest monkeys with the biggest houses deserved more bananas, and sent their helpers to take away the bananas that everyone had put aside for hungry times and give them to their bigger friends. The ruling monkeys also wanted to have a party for their neighbours and told everyone that it would only cost one year’s banana harvest. All monkeys started to scream when ten harvests disappeared and that no bananas were given in return. All they were left with was a lagoon that was so shallow they could not even bathe in the disappointment.
 

The ruling monkeys decided they wanted to trade everyone’s bananas for new vines to travel to the outskirts of their jungle area for protection against invading enemies, but they refused to tell the other monkeys how many bananas they would need. They also said they would need even more bananas to set aside parts of the jungle for miscreant monkeys who did not conform to tribal rules. The other monkeys made suggestions to buy cheaper vines and to help the miscreant monkeys adapt to the tribe and insisted the ruling monkeys let them know exactly how many bananas they wanted to give away for their projects.


Well, the ruling monkeys lied and refused to tell the truth, so the other monkeys said enough was enough and asked the Wise One to decide who was right. The Wise One, after a very long time deciding, decided that the ruling monkeys were wrong. The other monkeys then decided that the ruling monkeys no longer deserved the right to manage all of the other monkeys, and threw their collective feces to end their rule.
 

According to custom, there would be a new discussion to decide which tribe would rule above all others, and one of the ways to do this was to have a great monkey debate. On the night of the debate, the four ruling tribes sent their strongest leaders to defend their different needs and concerns. Every monkey in the audience held the greatest expectations for victory, and the leaders looked ready for any debate. Unfortunately, being monkeys, they threw their feces, and the audience ended up covered in shit.


The end.

For those of you who may have missed parts , here is the whole email exchange between myself and the president of Crandall Univerisity (christian univeristy) in Moncton New Brunswick, in chronological order.

Brian D. MacArthur
President. Crandall University, Moncton, New Brunswick

Dear Mr. MacArthur,

A friend forwarded me your website, and in particular your page concerning your “Statement of Moral Standards”.

In point number 3 you state: To be sexually pure, refraining from such activities as adultery, fornication, homosexuality, and the use of pornographic materials; (Exodus 20:14; I Corinthians 6:18-20; Ephesians 5:3). First of all I do not understand this statement as God made us to procreate, otherwise sex would not feel so good. I think He made it feel so good so that we would multiply on a regular basis thus ensuring the survival of the species.

Second, I noticed that you state that one should refrain from homosexuality. Could you please explain how one refrains from homosexuality? Can it be done the same way that one refrains from being white, black, or Mediterranean? Can one refrain from having blue eyes or red hair? Yes I understand that you can buy coloured contact lenses and hair dye, but is this what God intended, to hide His creation?

I am sure you will agree that God is perfect and makes no mistakes, and by agreeing with this you are forced to admit that homosexuals are God’s creations, and therefore perfect. I agree that homosexuals can keep right up there in the sinning department with their heterosexual brethren, but to single them out is really quite hypocritical, don’t you think?

I have also noticed that you quote the Old Testament quite often; is the New Testament too modern and full of rebellious ideas for you? I understand that it is quite young being only a couple of thousand years old.

I have also noticed that you have a number of female professors at your educational institution, which confuses me because the Bible clearly states: "Let the women learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression." (I Timothy 2:11-14).

The bible also clearly states: As in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the church. 1 cor. 14:34

I also notice from the pictures of your female professors that they all have their heads uncovered. Once again this confuses me because the bible says: If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off. 1 cor. 11:6. Could you please tell me if these females are wearing wigs to cover their shorn hair?

Finally, the bible is also very clear on the following points:

Judge not, that you be not judged. Matthew 7:1

Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Luke 6:37

Who are you to judge another’s servant....or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgement seat of Christ. Romans 14:4, 10.

I understand your love of quoting the bible in justifying your misunderstandings of God’s created human beings, but could you possibly be just a little more consistent and apply the word of God as is written? I fully expect you to fire all of your female professors posthaste and am patiently waiting for your reply.

I have put mayor George Leblanc in cc as I noticed from your website that he endorses your university.

regards,

James

Dear Mr. Jones,

I am writing to acknowledge receipt of your email in which you share your views regarding one policy at Crandall University.

I do so with the assumption that you are who you say you are, as I note your email did not include any identifying information with regard to yourself apart from your name and email address. I would also presume that you are the James Jones listed in the Moncton phonebook whereas you cc’d your views to Mayor George LeBlanc. As a general practice, I normally respond only to emails and letters wherein there is adequate disclosure of identity to confirm the authenticity of the communication.

I recognize and respect your freedom to hold values and views that differ from those stated by Crandall University. At Crandall we seek to be transparent and open with who we are so that students and their parents can make an informed decision and determine for themselves if Crandall is the right choice for them. It is challenging for some people to understand how a university can both promote itself as being Christian and then provide an atmosphere that encourages students to think critically and learn to analyze information, developing their own values and views in the process. We seek to expose students to all leading theories and philosophies, including various interpretations of Scripture. We are committed to providing an education at least equal to what a student would experience at any university, and also to add the historic Christian perspective to the classroom debate. It is this liberty to add the Christian perspective to the classroom experience that we are seeking to maintain at our university, which also gives us our distinctive in comparison with many other universities. Given the nature of our mission, we do not seek operational funding from government such as other universities receive, but limit our requests to capital grants wherein there are immediate economic spinoffs due to construction.

With regards to the issue of homosexuality, we are not the homophobic institution that some seek to make us out to be. We do not apologize for the fact that in our belief system we hold to a traditional view of marriage as being between a man and a woman and that we believe God instituted marriage as the safe relationship within which the gift of sex is to find expression. This one word does not define our institution even though some choose to see it as the full representation of our university. We deal regularly with students who are struggling with all kinds of issues, including sexual identity and behaviours, and we seek to do so with compassion and understanding. However - creating an accepting environment does not mean that we affirm all life-style choices students make nor the behaviours in which they choose to engage. This is as true for heterosexual students as gay and lesbian students.

I must confess that I could not follow the logic of your argument in seeking to establish that because we hold a certain view on one subject we must therefore automatically agree with, and abide by, other positions in order to be consistent. As a basic principle of hermeneutics we do not encourage building one’s belief/view on a subject based solely on one verse/passage of Scripture. We are well aware that Scripture can be used and abused to justify just about any view. We seek in humility to be faithful to what we understand the Bible to say, fully acknowledging our own limitations and frailties as we strive to live out the love of Christ with authenticity.

You have clearly indicated your views and the importance of them to you and I respect your liberty to hold such views and to interpret the Bible in the manner you have chosen. I am intrigued by your assumption and reasoning that God made all people perfect and therefore their sexual identity is validated on that premise alone. While aware of the theory that people are born as gays and lesbians and that there is research in process regarding this theory, to date I have not come across any research that conclusively proves that sexual identity is genetically predisposed. I fear where this line of reasoning/research may lead us if applied to pedophilia in the same manner.

With regard to Mayor Leblanc’s endorsement of Crandall University, I would note with appreciation that our civic leaders show great respect for the diverse community they serve, knowing that our greater community gathers together many cultural distinctives, as well as many political, philosophical, and religious views. The University has sought help from the City with its recent expansion based on the economic and educational benefit to Greater Moncton whereas the City itself identified in a study on economic development (November 2005) that greater options for post-secondary education within the Anglophone community are needed to help maintain the economic vibrancy of Moncton. Crandall University is contributing to that need.

It is on this basis that the Mayor and members of City Council have been supportive of Crandall University, but the University has never been of the view that such endorsement is implicit approval of all policies, practices, and viewpoints held by the University or its representatives, anymore than that we would conclude that the City’s practical support of Gay Pride Parades is an endorsement of all policies, practices, and viewpoints of its organizers and proponents. The Mayor and his Council members are respectful of the diverse community they serve, and have been responsive to various groups within that diversity without, in my opinion, compromising the greater good of the community as a whole.

In conclusion, I would say again that I recognize and respect your freedom to hold values and views that differ from mine and trust that you will accord to me the same respect and liberty.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Brian D. MacArthur

President and Vice-Chancellor

Dear Mr. MacArthur,

First of all, thank you for taking the time to answer my email.

The logic of my argument is that I fail to understand how people of faith can pick and choose which bible passages they believe in. I have heard over and over again people quoting Leviticus in order to justify their stance against homosexuality, but wilfully ignore any other verse that does not coincide with their beliefs or is simply not convenient for them to do so. You say you follow Christian beliefs, but I challenge you to find one passage or verse in which Jesus condemns homosexuality. I am sorry, but I call this hypocrisy.

About your statement that you don't believe gay people are born gay: did you really equate homosexuality with pedophilia? Really? Did you not know that 90% of all pedophiles are heterosexual men? In fact a study made by the Department of Behavioural Sexology at the Clarke Institute of Psychiatry puts the ratio of heterosexual to homosexual pedophiles at 11:1. Other studies put pedophiles in their own class, set apart from heterosexuals and homosexuals altogether.

You are right about respecting others' freedom to hold different values, and I do respect yours, but remember that ignorance, wilful or unintentional, can cause a great amount of damage, wilfully or unintentionally.

P.S. No I am not the James Jones in the Moncton phone book. I now live in Montreal but lived in Moncton for many years and still return to visit friends.


Regards,

James

Mr. Jones,

Thank you for your feedback.

Just to clarify, my point on pedophilia was not accusatory against homosexuals as if to suggest that it is more prevalent among homosexuals than heterosexuals , but rather to say that if we discover a pedophile is genetically designed to be a pedophile, and therefore – to use your argument – “God’s creations, and therefore perfect,” what does that mean for society in accepting and accommodating the practical expression of their full sexual orientation – whether they are heterosexual or homosexual in their preference of children? Perhaps it would have been safer had I used polygamy instead of pedophilia as my example.

I regret if the wording of my argument was interpreted as slandering to homosexuals.

Sincerely,

Brian MacArthur

Dr. Brian D. MacArthur

President and Vice-Chancellor

Mr. MacArthur,

This will be our last correspondence as you will agree that we will not agree. I just want to write one last time hoping this will touch you in some way.

I am, as you probably already guessed, a gay male. What you do not know is that I have always been a gay male since I can remember. I grew up in the 80's which was far more difficult than today, but that does not take away from what young gay people are living.

What I would really like you to understand, as a Christian leader in today' society, is that if any of us had a choice to be gay or straight, do you really think anyone would choose to be a person that is demonized on a regular basis? Do you really think any one of us would choose to live a life of prejudice and hate if we had any choice? Being gay is not a choice. Who would choose such a difficult life? And before you say that homosexuality can be cured by religious therapy, remember all those religious leaders who said the same thing just before they were caught in bed with their gay lovers. And on the same note, pedophilia is considered a psychiatric disease, homosexuality is not. Polygamy is truly a choice, homosexuality is not.

I have been living in a committed long term monogamous relationship of 11 years with the same person, and what you need to understand is that it is not at all about sex; it is about love. Being gay is not about whom you want to have sex with, it is not about sexuality, it is about who you love with all your heart, who you want to share with, who you want to grow old with, and finally, who you want to spend your last days with after a lifetime of love. Sound familiar?

Because of Christian beliefs, especially in the U.S., there are more and more young people committing suicide because non gay people are taught that it is alright to belittle and bully gay youth, and these teachings are spearheaded by the church’s non-denial of such actions. I ask you sir: what kind of religion, based on the teachings of Christ, encourages violence (whether passive or aggressive) on someone who is different from them? Once again, please do not say you do not condone violence against gay youth when your website clearly states that homosexuals are not welcome. What message do you think this projects on your students or on parents who do not know that their child is gay? Do you realize that every time the church says that being gay is not right you teach people with lesser capacities that it is alright to discriminate? Please be aware of your power, and responsibilities, over the masses and teach the words of truth.

If the church does not agree with homosexuality because of six verses out of a million, then that is its prerogative; but please, at least follow the word of your saviour and teach tolerance, and please do this proactively. If there was one single person in the history of mankind that believed in tolerance and acceptance, it was the founder of your church.

Please make him proud.

Dear Mr. Jones,

This too will be my final correspondence. I think we are agreed that we will not agree on this issue. However, I find that dialogue with people with whom you have a difference of views can still be productive and respectful, even though viewpoints are not changed.

What I find difficult in engaging with some homosexual individuals and those who advocate on their behalf is that they repeatedly accuse us of intolerance or hate mongering just because we hold a different view. What if we are sincerely trying to adhere to what we believe is the truth of Scripture?

Crandall University has seemingly become the target of choice by several gay activists in the greater Moncton area. Much of the publicity generated has been based on inaccurate information and false innuendo. Without being dismissive of the sins you have cited that have been perpetrated in the name of Christian purity, given our experience of these local activists, I find your preaching of tolerance to be rather hollow and shallow.

Respectfully yours,

Brian MacArthur

Dr. Brian D. MacArthur

President and Vice-Chancellor

Mr. MacArthur,

I am very sad that this discussion had to end on this note. I have never in my life been called hollow and shallow. I do not know any activists in Moncton, I only know sincere gay people who wish to live their lives free of prejudice and hate. Thank you for showing your true colours with your last email. May your crown wear heavy on your head.

OMG, what a fantasitc video from Ireland about gay bullying. Thanks to Montreal Simon montrealsimon.blogspot.com!

A poem about living....

Life

Thrown into life from darkness to light

The sustaining cord is cut with precision

Waterless environment unforgiving

Merciless necessity forces first breath

New born lungs filled with hope

I breathe

New mother filled with expectations

The eternal dance begins with invisible partners

The dance as yet to be perceived

No path carved in stone immutable

The waltz yet chosen

I dance

Choices unknown hover in the mist of what is to be

Every choice a turn in the road, a change in direction

Every decision final with endless possibilities

Expectations grow with years and disappointments

Childhood dreams dissolve in everyday rain

I survive

Dreams of tomorrow nourished with innocence

Moonlight makes shadows of expectations

Expectations realized in the light of day

Experience made of owned mistakes

You own what is given

I grow

Listen with unbiased ears that hold no prejudice

Speak with patient voice that knows the past

Act without knowledge of divine intervention

Pray to the empty heavens

Wait for an answer patiently

I question

Every saint is dead or dying

People still stand in the way of living

The path is clogged with those that question

Questions never answered

Heavenly deniability

I die

The vatican

The Vatican

Foundations built on belief

Brick by intricate brick

The walls rise with authority

The walls built of deception

Belief usurped by greed and control

A dome of truth covers lies

Works of art made by masters

Master carvings express subjugation

The beauty of heaven soars upon ceilings

The hand of God reaches out

Does not touch man’s feelings

God’s love of man expressed in torture

Man’s sins stand out in a colonnade

Hidden truths protected by Swiss costumes

True history lost in deep vaults

Chosen truths see the light

Centuries of wilful ignorance

Papal choices take precedence

The light of gospels consistently denied

St. Peter’s house is bigger than Jesus

Forgotten words not a part of construction

Not in mansions of wood and stone

Jesus chained to the dungeon walls

Never to be seen by tourists

No bones will ever be found

The righteous never look

Wow, what a story about bullying, and the kid is really well spoken. It's a little long, but well worth the time.

Second poem for tonight; what more can I say?

Indifference

Not going to write anymore

Nothing to write about

The world wakes up smiling

World problems solved

No atrocities committed next door

No murders, no rapes, no lies

The sun is shining

The cries of the innocent have been drowned

The tide of ignorance rising

The sky so blue it hurts

No more screams from the hungry

Empty bellies filled with intentions

The gentle wind moves no one

Cultural differences set aside

A surgical operation with homogeneous knife

The green grass sharp as a blade

No more mothers’ tears

No more sad children

No childish expectations

The world paints on a smile

Tears smear the perfection

Makeup runs away

The indifferent rain dances in the street

Indifference dances joyfully

Another one of those poems/songs that just bubble up from the brain.

Hearbreak in the rain

I walk softly on this path

I have fallen before

Didn’t watch were I was going

Stuck in your pitfalls

Couldn’t get up again

Mired down in lies

I extended a hand to your laughter

Cried as you dropped me

Found the strength to climb out

Found the strength to ignore you

Your sweet words tried to trap me

Your poison left me scarred

Your beauty left me bereft

I learned to live with myself

I learned to live without you

I’m only sad on rainy days

‘Cause rain reminds me of you

It’s always raining

The previous poem is from a pacifist, this one is from one angry SOB; the anger no one wants to aknowledge. If you are angry, show it.

Enough is enough

You’re ignorance makes me furious

You’re deliberate apathy makes me hate

Your violence does not scare me

My red smile welcomes it

I want to scream and break you

I want to slowly tear you down

Piece by bloody piece

And laugh while I’m doing it

I want to tear it all apart

I am tired of living in your world

I am sick of pretending differently

Why pretend when you do not?

Civility has boundaries

I now recognise no borders

You think me weak

You think I have no power

You are sadly mistaken

One more comment

One more insult

You will know my strength

You will know my lack of emotion

You will be on your knees begging

My battered ears will be deaf

I will show no mercy

Memories will be written in blood

Regrets will be washed away in tears

Who do you think you are?

You will remember who I am

All we, as gay people, are asking for is to be able to freely join the dance. I takes just one voice to send an invitation.

Would you like to dance?

Peaceful acceptations

Stop the madness

A hand extended with good intentions

Curled fist blocks calm expectations

Hateful looks on the sidewalk

Side glances at hands held in public

Cruel laughter shadows

Shadows hide behind themselves

Self imposed ignorance worn like a new dress

Everyone at the party dresses the same

New arrival wears something different

A costume stitched with pride

Singular presence draws every stare

Fear stares back bravely

Difference boldly takes the floor with trepidation

Wrapped in a cloak of determination

Waiting for acceptance

A resolute voice asks softly:

“Would you like to dance?”

Kim Evans, owner of Petals and Promises Wedding Flowers, in Riverview, New Brunswick, Canada, has refused to provide promised flowers to a wedding once she found out it was a same sex couple wedding, citing that she is a born again Christian. This not only breaks New Brunswick laws on non-discrimination, it violates moral laws of which she is completely oblivious.

This is written just for you Kim:

Misinterpretations

Believer in two thousand year old lies

Convert to modern truths

The poor lost soul needs to find her way

Mind so weak it needs hate for a crutch

Her own thoughts undeveloped to the point of collapse

The words of the ancient ignorant give her support

Condemnation of the unknown brings her comfort

Persecution and ignorance her best friends

 She spreads the hateful message with wilful stupidity

Yet bets say that she eats shellfish with impunity

The bible says she is an abomination, clearly

Leviticus confirms it

Is her store open on Sundays?

Are flowers sold on God’s day off?

Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy

Does God come in and buy a bouquet for Mary

Thou shall not commit adultery

Her death insisted by Exodus

Hypocrisy her new verse

She has never read scriptures

New born Christian

(Christ no new brain)

You shall love your neighbour as yourself

Try being born again

This time get it right

There is a woman beggar by my workplace. I am sure she has a story, and I am sure it is sad; I am also quite sure no one listens...

Photo: Maciej Ciezki

Lady Street Corner

Dirty clothes, dirty hair

Branches form her diadem

Street dirt sticks to her coat

Intricate patterns formed in mud

Winter slush stains her tattered train

She used to be somebody

She used to have it all

Control given over to stronger forces

A family, a home disappears

Her children living ordinary lives

Their lives forgotten

She lives in despair

Emotional choices destroyed it all

A street corner to call her own

A new manor to reign

A hand held out looking for compassion

Shame held in looking for understanding

An open palm looking for help

Looking for shelter from the rain

Judgement not welcome

Her story unknown

Her life a guess

Easy to judge misery

Easy to dismiss mistakes

Bells don’t ring as loud as collected coin

Saints walk the streets robed in indifference

Jesus hangs comfortably on his cross

Weep for every mother

Cry for every misconception

Tears dry

Tears dry tomorrow

Ok, after one day, the break is over; I can't help myself, I need to write....

Political romance

People write songs left and right

Politicians sing the blues

Ordinary citizens just want the beat

Everyone wants to dance

No one seems to know how

No one wants to teach the tango

Confusion in the orchestra

Orchestrated dance a fiasco

Live bands try to tell the truth

Harmony down to three

Three part harmony like chickens in the yard

Too many talking heads

Opinions spread like feed to the masses

The age of musical collaboration ended

The audience totally confused

To dance swing or dance the valse

A question of time

A question of perspective

What will the dance be?

 

Ok, one last one for a while....

Understanding

Speak softly now

I can hear you

Talk quietly now

I understand

Your pain is a real thing

Your suffering made clear

I will not ignore you

You are there

Your tears wet my life

Your unknown sorrow profound

You feel incomplete

You feel empty

You don’t know why

Embrace my compassion

Hold on to my voice

Don’t let go of who you are

Your shadow is in hiding

Let is sleep for now

It’s ok

I’ll take its place

The world today is in such bad shape, and I die a little bit more every day.

Modern world

The rain comes down incessantly

The snow joins the conspiracy

Emotions hung out to dry

Moisture seeps in and takes hold

The world cries

Tears roll slowly down misled cheeks

Revolution of spirit ignites in certain quarters

Popular rule dictates the day

Western world lies down

Patiently waiting for burial

The sadness of lies misleading

The truth always heartbreaking

Society buried in broken promises

Society worth nothing

Where has kindness gone?

Since when has humanity become so cold?

Not enough places at the table

The communal feast bereft of flavour

Trestle tables filled with nothing

A pretend meal does not nourish

The truth fills only chosen belly

The masses go hungry

Lies hold no value

Missing information like missing spices

Does anyone notice?

The rulers are still eating

Someone said that my poetry was too complicated to understand, not straight forward, and sometimes too political and negative. Here is something very simplistic and positive with a happy ending: a nursery rhyme from years past; what could be more simplistic? No politics involved whatsoever, unless you accidentally substitute Harper for Mary, and Canadian voters for the lamb.......

Mary had a little lamb

Little lamb, little lamb

Mary had a little lamb

Whose fleece was perfect for her coat

Everywhere that Mary went

Mary went, Mary went

And everywhere that Mary went

The lamb was sure to go

Mary hatched an evil plot

An evil plot, evil plot

Mary hatched an evil plot

The stupid lamb was unaware

The lamb followed blindly with no thoughts

With no thoughts, with no thoughts

The lamb followed blindly with no thoughts

Blissfully walking without care

To the slaughter Mary led the little lamb

The little lamb, the little lamb

To the slaughter Mary led the little lamb

To be fleeced was its share

The little lamb screamed in pain

Screamed in pain, screamed in pain

The little lamb screamed in pain

But Mary had a feast

Mary got salmonella poisoning

Salmonella poisoning, salmonella poisoning

Mary got salmonella poisoning

The lamb smiled from Heaven with a grin from west to east

And they never crossed paths again

The end

I tried making pie crust today for a chicken pie........

Recipe for pie crust

Start with two cups of flour.

Add one half teaspoon of salt.

Add one half teaspoon of sugar.

Blend until you think it is really blended, because all ingredients are white, so how do you know? Your guess is as good as mine.

Add butter or Crisco. They are both solidified fat so who cares?

Cut it in slowly using that instrument that resembles Freddy Kruger’s manicure until you have something that looks like white rabbit droppings.

Add cold water one half of a tablespoon at a time. You will have to grow a third hand.

Eventually you will have a lump of pale dough that should stick together in a mass, sort of like an overweight albino’s back muscles after a stressful meeting with the boss.

Massage the lump, working out all of the kinks; it needs to be totally relaxed.

Make a ball and cut it in two. Think of it as cutting the Pillsbury Doughboy in half. If I never hear that stupid laugh again....

Sprinkle flour on the counter and the rolling pin to avoid attachments; emotions are never good while baking.

Put the ball on the counter and make a disk with your hands.

Show the disk the rolling pin and make threatening gestures to make sure it understands.

Introduce the rolling pin by gently flattening the disk into a shape more convenient for a pie. Ignore all protests.

With the rolling pin berate the dough into a flat shape big enough to fit in a 9 inch pie pan. Many firm discussions may be needed.

Gently lift dough over pie plate, curse and swear freely as it breaks in two.

Gather the dough back to make a new ball, take the freshly formed ball and quickly throw it at the nearest wall.

Pick up the mess, while picturing Julia Child choking on boned duck, and throw it in the garbage.

Proceed to the nearest grocery store and buy thoughtfully pre-formed pie crusts for your convenience.

Consult a psychologist about anger management

And most importantly, if the urge should come upon you to try again, suck some flour through a straw until the urge passes.

Ever since I was 13 I wished I could sing and belong

I can’t sing

I heard your music the other day

Your melodies lift me

I listen to what you have to say

It makes me melancholy

Because I want to join you

But I can’t sing

Your words wrap around your guitar

Creating eddies in my life

The gentleness of your thoughts move me

The vibrations make me want to write

The emotions make want to sing out loud

But I can’t sing

Each note chosen carefully

Every word crafted in love

I listen and long to sing with you

I listen and want to accompany you

But I can’t sing

With your music you create other worlds

With you music you validate me

I sing to you in my dreams

But I wake in emptiness

Desperate tears run down my face

I can’t sing